


Rise, Mikasa.

by RosaKei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, CONTAINS SNK CHAPTER 130 SPOILER, Can be read as platonic or (subtly?) romantic i guess its up to interpretation haha, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, contains lost girls reference, contains lost girls reference (in the manga/novel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25165276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosaKei/pseuds/RosaKei
Summary: The world seems like its ending, and it feels like they are sailing towards where death awaits them.“Then… if that happens,” She starts, “Kill me.” She breathes, looks her dead in her eyes, lifelessly.Annie finds herself wandering to the outer part of the ship to take a breather. But when she sees Mikasa standing alone, at the very edge of the ship, leaning against the rails looking so distant and tragic, she has a change of plans.(Contains Manga Spoilers)
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	Rise, Mikasa.

**Author's Note:**

> Please read Author's notes at the end.

The ship starts to tilt as the ocean's turbulent and relentless waves grow more gruesome, as if challenging the ship to a game of tug of war, wanting nothing less than for it to fall and sink to satisfy its ravenous cravings for yet another shipwreck. However, unfortunately for the beastly seas, today wasn't going to be the day all of them would turn victim to its animalistic nature.

The perilous sea is a stark contrast to the gentle waves that they encountered during their first expedition far beyond the walls. The friendly waters she once found herself enjoy frolicking in has now morphed into something monstrous; an absolute monstrosity and she swears that the clawing of the waves at the bottom of the boat is beckoning her to let herself go; to be consumed whole.

_Were all things like this? Like, they had some sort of ghastly side to them beneath the beauty?_

The ominous dark clouds garnering in the sky hints at the oncoming wake of a storm. Before she knows it, the wind comes bellowing at her direction; a comrade to the vicious waters that also desires for the people on this damned ship to just yield and surrender, fall and sink.

Nonetheless, they move forward.

They _have to_ move forward.

To her knowledge, everyone on the ship was either restlessly attempting to seek some form of solace in their sleep or they were laying awake on bed, staring at the ceiling as they contemplate life and its worth.

She, however, chooses to stand outside, body slightly leaning forward against the edge of the ship's metal rusty rails that prevent her fall. Regardless, the threatening waves below that her pair of eyes so blankly fixates on, impatiently waits for a moment of carelessness that could possibly lead to her plummet. In a way, it reminds her of the titans scratching and clawing at the brick walls, with their hideously big eyes staring at them greedily, moaning and groaning, gesticulating them to just succumb to ill fate and fall face-flat right into their jaw for their teeth to ruthlessly munch and rip their limbs apart, wolfing and digesting them down whole, licking every last droplet of blood that splatters around their mouth, savouring and relishing the taste as they fill up their non-existent appetite. To just fall prey to them and stop trying so hopelessly to be the hunters; to stop so desperately trying to climb and force their way up to regain their position as the acme of this twisted food chain.

She suddenly feels disgusted and nauseous and has an urge to retaliate back at the sea with her vomit.

Strong and chilly gusts of wind take another swing towards her direction, sending a shiver down her spine and she tries her best _not_ to think about that crimson piece of fabric that could be wrapped around her neck to protect her from being harassed by the freezing cold.

She is thinking about everything; her mind is nothing but chaos and the debris left behind by said chaos. She can feel those recurring headaches of hers gradually sneaking and creeping its way up; back to haunt her for the rest of this journey.

" _I don't want… to have to be prepared to kill you again…" Those words start to echo._

 _Me neither._ She didn't get a chance to give her that reply. _Who am I even fighting, at this point?_

Mikasa Ackerman doesn't know anymore.

She isn't an alcoholic; and doesn't plan to be one but there is this urge stirring within her that craves the bittersweet taste of beer, wine… something that will knock her out or toss her into a drunk fit and soothe her wrecked and wretched state of mind. She desires that light-headed sensation, the feeling where it's like you're floating in air, feeling so free in some mystical land of zero worries and anxieties that only a drunkard's mind could ever manage to conjure. She craves that numbness it can offer too.

She wants to stop thinking about what—about _who_ is awaiting for her on the other side. She wants it all to come to a halt.

But she _has to_ move forward.

" _Are you able to kill Eren?"_ Another string of words reverberates in her head, her mind choosing to relive that moment not too long ago at the worst possible timing. She dreads every moment of it.

The ship begins to rock a little more violently, and rather than falling forward and falling prey, Mikasa flippantly lets herself stumble and fall backwards, back slamming against the wall before she wearily slides down onto the ground. A yellow streak of lightning tears across the sky mercilessly, capturing Mikasa's attention who looks upwards and watches a few more strikes violate the sky while the thunder cackles in a malignant manner; as if mocking.

This entire predicament must be some sort of sick joke. A part of her wishes this was the sort of story that ended with, _"and it was all a dream."_ And she'd wake up and meet a happier end where _he_ didn't go mad. Where things weren't so… messy. _So bloody._

But _this_ is a bloody nightmare that is her reality; _their_ reality.

"… _If I tried to kill Eren…" The voice continues._

Rain starts to pelt down, and fortunately for her, there is a small shelter now above her that offers protection from the oncoming onslaught of the rain.

She hugs her knees closely as the unforgiving pangs of pain in her head come charging in ruthlessly. She buries her head in between her knees, her heart starts to ache and she feels a twinge of anguish wash over her as the dreaded memory from earlier is still being forced out of her because for some reason, her sub-conscience just _loves_ to torture her.

"… _Would you be able to sit back and watch?"_

She doesn't know the answer to her question. Or maybe she knows but is too fearful to admit it out loud or even acknowledge it silently. _I am such a coward._ She thinks, pathetically.

" _I… don't want to fight anymore."_

And then indirectly, _she_ answers for them all.

"…What are you doing out here, alone?" Mikasa's head snaps up when she hears her, and she is stunned when she meets a pair of familiar icy cold eyes that rivalled the bleakness in her own. For a fleeting moment, albeit sober, she genuinely thought her mind had conjured up a hallucination of that blonde woman as some sort of sick and wicked prank to further remind her about their brief conversation earlier; to further torment her of what _could be_ to come.

She blinks once. The crystal-eyed female approaches her; _she doesn't look as distraught as earlier_ , Mikasa notes. _Though, there is some redness in her puffy eyes that suggest otherwise._

She blinks twice, and when she finally takes a seat near her—leaving an appropriate and acceptable amount of space between them— Mikasa finally confirms that she is real; which is the more absurd thing as compared to her thinking she was hallucinating.

"Annie…" Mikasa acknowledges, eyes narrowing. She is conflicted of whether or not she should be wary about her sudden entrance; because while Mikasa no longer really considered her as the enemy, she is admittedly frightened of the _things_ she could possibly bring into this private conversation that they seemed to be having now. "What are you doing here?" She doesn't sound cold or unwelcoming, but rather her tone is ambivalent because of all the things rushing through her mind about what baggage or weapons Annie brings along with her.

Annie doesn't take offence to that; she doesn't blame her. But she resists rolling her eyes when she receives a question as a reply to her own. What did she honestly expect from this Ackerman?

"Am I not allowed to?" She retorts back, hands then shoving themselves into the pockets of her pants, a vain attempt of slowing down the numbing process of the cold.

The cold is absolutely killing her and it makes her wonder if she might freeze into another crystal again. She misses wearing her snug grey hoodie during chilly days like these.

She misses a lot more things that she feels like _she_ had abandoned back at her home. Now, she feels sick and nauseous too.

"…Why are you sitting here, with me?" The raven specifies, her focus averting away from her and back to the vast and vicious warmongering ocean and sky.

"… I heard a loud thud. I walked over here and then I saw you." She doesn't give a direct answer, and Mikasa wonders if she, herself, even knows the reason why she chose to approach her during this dark and stormy night. But she isn't looking for argument, and she sure Annie isn't as well. She decides to let it slide. There is no rational reason to fight about this other than to attain an answer that would be meaningless the day after. And anyway, she doesn't find Annie's company completely bothersome nor disturbing; well, not enough to consider her an intruder as of now.

"You haven't answered my question." Nonetheless, Annie repeats her question albeit she doesn't sound pushy. If anything, she sounds worn and weary.

"…Couldn't sleep." A half-truth. Annie accepts it.

They sit in silence, shivering just slightly. Unlike the past, there is no true hostile tension between them. They are worn and weary. Any hostilities that once existed between them have most likely been burnt and reduced into ashes, blown and carried away by the wind. Mikasa wouldn't say that there is this comforting essence that sits between them, but she wouldn't say that she would have preferred being isolated out here either. She is just… glad and relieved that at the very least, Annie hasn't mention anything that seeks to drown her in utter distress and agony… yet.

Then, the silence breaks.

"Remember that day?" Annie suddenly asks, and Mikasa first assumes that it was a futile attempt of hers to start another conversation. "When you told me to _fall_?" When she finishes her statement, she decides that it is strange, and not futile. And her question alarms her slightly, she is leaning towards being more wary about her now.

Needless to say, Mikasa remembers that day. Annie remembers it more vividly.

" _Annie,"_ The Ackerman calls out to the latter calmly, almost serene, as if she hadn't just violently severed her fingertips that revokes her simple ability and survival skill to hold on. Leaving her with nothing more than the impending doom and perhaps demise that awaits her below. Mikasa eyes her, then lands gracefully and stands on the top of her nose briefly, and the last thing Annie anticipates at that time was to meet an empty gaze rather than a gaze that emits brutal revolt and disdain; a coldness that she has grew so accustomed to seeing back in the military.

But what did she expect? She felt nothing for her; and if she ever did, she no longer did. Any ounce of respect or any other notable feelings Mikasa even had for her was now gone, and she makes it clear in her eyes, devoid of any substance and trace of life. There are only so many people Mikasa could let in her heart and after this betrayal, Annie could never be considered one of them. Annie doesn't blame her.

" _Fall_." She commands just as calmly, her eyes desolate, lacking of any emotion. She departs from the female titan who wears a tragic expression full of regret, panic overwhelms the titan when she feels gravity cruelly forcing her to crash and meet her deathly consequences. And then, she falls. _Oh, did she fall._

"Yeah… what of it?" Mikasa asks tentatively, caught off guard by Annie's selected topic.

"…Just thinking about the irony, of how things came to be now." Mikasa resists a scoff, and she wonders if this was just Annie's dry humour taking its shape in a tone that outsiders might have mistaken for bittersweet nostalgia. "And how you had this look… not just then, but even way back when I kidnapped _him_ … you had this fearsome look of a predator that was unfaltering, ready to kill."

The wind howls and another bolt of lightning flashes, zigzagging in the sky and Mikasa feels _threatened_. She _knows_ where this conversation is heading and feels a heavy unsettling and uneasy feeling sinking down in her stomach, daring to pull her heart down along with it to drown. It's a sickly feeling that Mikasa detests. She suddenly recalls why she had even come out here for in the first place.

A pathetic attempt of escape.

"…So, when you come face to face with Ere—"

Mikasa stands up abruptly, looking away from both the gloomy landscape that looms over them and her. " _Don't_." It was supposed to come out as a warning, maybe even with venomous menace and malice implications. But all that accompanies that singular word is a helpless choke. "Just don't." Mikasa finds herself restraining herself from cupping her ears to block out whatever excruciating thing she has to say next. She never thought she would live the day to see herself ever pleading to a woman like her. She finds it pathetic. She finds it _all_ pathetic.

Annie is cruel, Mikasa comes to realise. Mikasa doesn't and has abstained herself from mentioning the Leonhart's family she left behind— _not abandoned. That's too strong and harsh of a word and it is wrong to even think she wanted to abandon them_ —in Liberio not just because she has no reason to, but because she has some empathetic decency. And here Annie was… asking _that_ same gut-wrenching question again. To her. _Just her._

Annie follows suit and rises. And because Mikasa has her back turned and facing her, she does not know the expression she is wearing and a part of her doesn't want to. "I just want to know—"

"You already answered yourself earlier!" Mikasa snaps, her fist is all clenched and balled up. However, her intentions are far from launching it at her face to shut her up.

_I… don't want to fight anymore._

She does want to punch something, though. Not a someone, definitely not her. Maybe the air.

"So, stop." Mikasa beseeches instead. "Stop… why do you…" She then finally gathers the courage to turn and face her, her hands are no longer balled, they are loosened for a brief moment before they reach out to clench her own chest; the area that hurts the most. There are no tears clouding in her eyes, just raw indignation that again, Annie can't fault her for. "Why do you only ask me this?"

Granted, the question of their capability and willingness in regards to murdering Eren was directed not just to her, but to the rest of the remaining squad.

But Mikasa knows.

She is sharp and she knows that that question is _especially_ targeted at her… because… _because…_

The thunder starts to drum and clap along, seeming to find entertainment in the suspense that dances around them as Mikasa waits for her response. For now, the waves below have retreated back—but she has an unnerving feeling that it wasn't the last of them, and that they would come back stronger, elated to consume this damned ship whole.

When Mikasa turns, she notices the distraught look resurfacing onto Annie's face that she is trying so hard to supress, and she doesn't understand why it hurts her so much to see her that way. If it was any other more familiar person on this boat like Armin, Jean, Connie… even Hanji or Levi, she would understand why her heart would be wrenching should she ever catch them wearing that same agonizing expression. After all, each of them has fought alongside her and were her comrades, it was inevitable that Mikasa would share some sort of strong or trivial (but not any less important) bond with them. A bond that she treasures.

Maybe it is just because she understands. Deep down, she understands. They were both just lost girls who received the short end of the stick; thrown and dumped into this hellish world, left to practically rot. Left to not live but to merely exist and survive.

"I lost everything." Annie breathes, takes a step closer to her, her forlorn gaze that evokes a whirlwind of emotions between and in the two of them, doesn't tear away nor wavers. "I lost everything. I don't have a reason to fight but I _have_ to." Mikasa doesn't know what sort of epiphany Annie has finally come to when she left her, because her response differs from the short devastating speech she made earlier in her presence.

" _I… don't want to fight anymore. I don't want… to have to be prepared to kill you again. Not any of you."_ Mikasa remembers how much her voice was breaking when she said these words. She was full of distraught and if she had the energy, she was sure she would be screaming; unbottling and releasing every last bit of raw, aching emotion she has kept locked all this time. _"And not Eren, either…"_ She had continued, and while no one admits it, she speaks for some of them who did not want to dirty their hands with his blood.

 _Did Reiner talk to her? Or that Pieck… Gabi… or even Hanji? Was that why she seems a little different now?_ Mikasa cannot help but ponder. _She doesn't want to fight, but acknowledges and even accepts that she has to. But why? Why the damned change?_

Mikasa is in disbelief when she notices a flicker of burning, fighting spirit flash in her azure eyes.

A spirit Mikasa doesn't know if she can muster when the time comes. It has long been put out, extinguished and stomped on by that _one man_. That man who she is sure many people on this ship believe that he has her wrapped around his finger.

She doesn't deny, but she doesn't accept it either. They are wrong, they are right. It is everything in between.

"I lost everything… and when it all comes down to that final moment… _I don't want it to be all for naught._ " So that is why. She doesn't want everything up till now to truly be wasted. No longer is she fighting for Liberio, but for strangers that she has never seen in her life. How she has decided to continue to fight all for that singular reason astounds Mikasa considering it contrasted with her previous distraught and fed-up state.

"Why are you only telling me this?" She repeats her question again, deciding not to venture into the reasoning of this… will Annie suddenly has. Mikasa's voice becomes more strained and strangled and she is suppressing any tears from reaching and leaking. She finds it… _this_ so unfair of Annie. " _Why?_ "

" _Because—"_

The ship suddenly shifts a little far too right, and Mikasa's earlier hypothesis of the waves coming back even more powerful is proven to be true as the ship soon starts to rock more violently. Annie swears she could hear the unbolted furniture within the ship starting to slide and crash into all four walls in the room they were in. The abruptness, however, does catch both women off guard who struggle to maintain their balance— that is, until Annie loses hers first and the next thing Mikasa knows, her back meets the roughness of the deck, and she acts as a cushion to break Annie's fall who ends up collapsing down onto her.

They find themselves outside from the protection of the shelter, and have now become victims of the rain that begins to pour more aggressively, onto them, drenching their shirts and everything.

When the ship recovers back some stability, Annie pushes herself off from pressing against Mikasa's body; but she still has her pinned down, partially taking on the role of her shelter—not by will, though.

Their eyes meet and Annie nearly mistakes the droplets of rainwater flowing down Mikasa's cheeks as her tears. While she is not crying—which Annie can't tell if it is because she has some obstinate pride that refuses to shed another tear for the man who abandoned them all. At least, not in front of someone she could barely consider a friend; who is an acquaintance or comrade at most. A stranger at worst. She has already let so much vulnerability through for her crystal eyes to see—not by will, though. Mikasa isn't sure if she wants her to see all of it. All of the broken pieces and fragments that makes up _this_ current Mikasa.

They stare for a long while, the only thing breaking the silence is the rain-storm that is hollering; Annie thinks its fate's way of ridiculing them.

" _Because… you have fallen, Mikasa_." She finds herself continuing.

Any earlier frustration from Mikasa is watered down into genuine confusion regarding Annie's remark.

Literally, yes, she has fallen thanks to Annie having lost complete balance. Though, common sense tells Mikasa she doesn't mean that in a literal manner.

Her perplexed expression informs Annie that she is oblivious to what she meant; and Annie couldn't believe that up till now she is, indeed, oblivious.

 _Ignorance is bliss_ —Annie has heard that phrase somewhere, sometime in her life. In Mikasa's case, she is sure that that quote did not apply.

"You have fallen for that madman that's why." She is blunt, straightforward, she is not sugar-coating or hiding anything. That is her personality and telling her anything else vague or just hinting at her, at this point, would clearly not be sufficient enough.

Mikasa's eyes widen, she struggles to respond as inarticulate stutters and stammers leave her lips until she finally figures out something she can say, "I—"

Annie cuts her off. "You _love_ him, that's why. It's not a secret." She sounds harsh, and while she is more or less aware of all the tragedies and pain Mikasa has underwent involving him, Annie is a little taken aback when she isn't flushing. She is even more taken aback when she appears to look… like she is suffering. _Agony._ She is in utter agony and pain and this time, the slightest mention of romance does not fluster her.

Annie's truth is completely unfettered, and while a part of Mikasa knows she must hear… must acknowledge it at some point, she wishes she didn't have to. Not now. Not at this point; one of her lowest points.

Mikasa takes notice how despite Annie has her pinned down, face only a few inches apart with strands of her untied hair dangling like a chandelier above her, she does not have her wrists _that_ tightly chained. They are secured enough only to ensure that the both of them don't end up rolling off the boat and become a two-coursed meal for the treacherous sea. _She wonders why._ Back then, her actions would have been much rougher and assertive should she ever need to force out an answer from her prey.

There's a temptation in Mikasa to shove her off, to brutally throw her down to the other side of the deck so she would have the opportunity to flee before she has her cornered and suffocating again. But she doesn't. _She wonders why._ Back then, Mikasa would never tolerate being cornered by the likes of someone like her.

" _I… don't want to fight anymore"_ —Maybe that was why. They are worn and weary.

In the meantime, Annie reflects back to all the moments she has stumbled into where it involved Mikasa's devotion to Eren, or vice versa. She has observed how Mikasa protects him, thrown herself mindlessly into the battlefield, slicing and crushing any obstacle in her way, soaring high above in the endless sky so she could protect him, so she could reach him, so she can stand by his side. She has seen how Eren protects her, she has heard stories of how he protects her. While having been trapped in a crystal for years, she has heard from a certain someone how that reckless, suicidal fool threw a punch right at a titan with his bare, human-sized fist because he is a stubborn man that refuses to meet an early demise—because he does not want _her_ to meet an early demise.

Romantic or not, there is something passionate between them. Even after the arguments, after the fights, during this war, there is something waiting to be ignited once again between them. Annie, does not doubt, that fate is cruel and twisted; and that because of such a brutal characteristic of fate, it will pull them together in the most horrid way possible.

"…That's why… you'll hesitate the most." She finally says as the tension in the air turns palpable, as the bullets of rain shoot down more vigorously.

Droplets of water drips down the ends of Annie's strands of hair and splatters on Mikasa's pale face, however her attention does not waver and her inky eyes that, for now, contains some form of emotion, remain glued to Annie's.

"I…" From Mikasa's perspective, the way Annie puts it, it seems as if she knows their reunion is inevitable and that their reunion will be one of the crucial moments that would determine the future. How she is so sure is beyond Mikasa's comprehension and she is a little in denial of ever thinking that such a crucial point would be dependent on her, yet ironically she already feels some form of burden starting to fall on her shoulders. "What… makes you think I'll be the one who—"

"Because the world is merciless and fate is cruel. You should know this." She cuts her off curtly, "And… the possibility is there. That's why."

Annie's sentence wakes her up and drags her out of her denial. _It hurts._ "I… I…" Mikasa is unable to deny.

She thinks back; she isn't exactly reminiscing (no, that's too joyful of a term). She thinks back to how hard she has fought for his survival. Not because of her 'Ackerman instinct' that he claims before degrading her to a slave, but because she loves him. If that 'Ackerman instinct' were the case, why did she go berserk at the slight thought of letting Armin die back then? She loves him, too. That's why. That's why she has been fighting so hard. Because she loves them.

And when Eren deters away and embarks on the darkest path ever existing, she is at a loss. She loves him, but at the same time she resents and is thoroughly disappointed at what he has done. With such ambivalent feelings, she is still clasping onto a thin thread that ties them together. A voice in her head is screaming for her to let go and severe everything, and the other voice that chimes and chimes tells her to hold on, because even in times of melancholic despair, hope exists. She doesn't know if she can do either.

Humans are inherently selfish. And while a selfishness exists in Mikasa—like any other human being— Mikasa does not want the whole world to die for the sake of her foolish dream where that man and the rest of them could live together in a happily ever after. She isn't so selfish to hope that the world would bestow death on all the innocent lives so she could have her 'ideal' happily ever after by his side—truth is, that isn't exactly her ideal happily ever after.

So much conflict. So much conflict resides in her. With great reluctance, she comes to understand why Annie has been pinning her this question from start to end. She doesn't blame nor fault her.

Then, a rash and impetuous idea crosses her mind.

"Then… if that happens," She starts, and Annie watches her eyes start to revert back to one of void; to the similar pair of empty orbs she saw when Mikasa told her to _fall_. It sends her a chill. What comes out of her lips next, bewilders Annie. Shocks her, even.

" _Kill me._ " She breathes, looks her dead in her eyes, lifelessly.

Simultaneously, the thunder roars after another jagged bolt shocks and electrocutes the pitch-black sky. It roars and roars, the waves below is still relentless in its pursuit, slamming against the ship.

Death is beckoning.

It takes Annie a while to actually register and process what Mikasa has just said to her—what Mikasa just gave her and permitted. "What?" She says incredulously before the silence is any longer prolonged.

"I'm being serious." She deadpans. "Kill me, if I get in the way." _This feels impulsive_ , is what Mikasa thinking quietly. Regardless, she meant what she said. This isn't an early surrender and she hopes Annie knows this. At the very least, it is a precaution to take should that protective instinct of hers comes squirming back, comes blinding her of what has to be done if that man remains fixated and obsessed with the desolate future he believes is for the better.

 _Death isn't always the solution, right?_ It is a hypocritical thought to have now given what she just requested of Annie. She acknowledges this.

Annie grits her teeth, aggravated at her pathetic, hasty answer. She may have to fight and she may have accepted it, but she does not want to fight her. She does not want to be prepared to kill her. Hasn't she already made that clear during her earlier mental-fucking-breakdown?

She feels everything inside her twisting and warping, her stomach, her intestines, even her heart. It goes without saying that she is extremely perturbed at the raven's suggestion. She feels like crying all over again; but forcefully restrains herself from letting that dam crack and flow.

 _I really don't want to kill her._ She tells herself; she doesn't say this out-loud at first, because she doesn't want to end up rambling on about other things that she rather take to her grave, that she knows now isn't the right time and place to say such things. _I never wanted to kill anyone._

Whatever tension they once had, whatever rivalry they once had, Annie has let go and she does not plan to revisit it. Most of all, she… doesn't want to kill her… because… _because—_

"I don't want everything to be all for naught." A scornful look gradually finds its way to Annie's face when Mikasa quotes her, as if trying to win her understanding and agreement but to no avail. Unflinching, she continues, "I'm not asking for a fight," She says this as if she read Annie, "I'm just asking… for you to stop me…" She replaces _'kill me'_ with a vaguer word; as if it would fix or change anything. "…Stop me when I… can't…" She trails off, but one look at the present expression she wore speaks volumes and it tells Annie enough.

Annie knows Mikasa has at least some sense in her, some empathy in her where she could at least understand the part where she truly, _truly_ does not want to fight anymore. Not her, and not… Eren. She doesn't dare say they are the same, but she ventures at the thought of them being similar… albeit, vastly different.

Annie doesn't want to fight nor kill anymore, not even Eren. However, after that other private talk she had with… _after_ that talk, she realises what she _has_ to do, even if she doesn't exactly want to. She reaches a harsh epiphany.

It is no one's but fate's fault for having thrusted this responsibility and forced her into this awful position where she _has_ to. Her final duty as a warrior; it's stupid and she fucking hates it and everything but…

Even she, has to move forward.

She doesn't want to have more blood stained on her hands than needed, though. She wants to tell Mikasa this but when her gaze lingers a little too long on the raven beneath her, it tells her everything and more.

 _If someone has to kill me, it has to be you_. They tell her.

 _Why?_ Annie finds her brows furrowing, unable to understand the raven's logic. She immediately dismisses the urge to callously criticise her and her suggestion.

 _Because._ Mikasa's eyes start to soften; but it isn't in an assuring way, if anything it plants an anxious seed in Annie's stomach, waiting to sprout to have its thorny vines wrapped around her heart. Tightening, and tightening until she cannot breathe, until she explodes. She starts feeling nauseous again.

 _Because?_ Annie doesn't like that look at all, it looks so different from last time. Her eyes strain, gives this sort of scrunched-up wrinkled and pained look that somewhat resembles the one she had during her mental breakdown.

_Just because._

Annie clicks her tongue in bitter agitation.

She hates her so much for this; at the same time, she does not hate her at all.

"You're crazy." She spits out crudely, eyes narrowing down on her in a manner that Mikasa doesn't necessarily consider contemptuous. Was it pity?

She doesn't ask.

Annie then lets loose and gets up when the tumultuous waves simmer down. Her tight and strained facial features start to relax.

"…Maybe I am." Mikasa answers, closes her eyes, reflecting briefly to the chaos, the war and everything that has led up to this moment, and everything that _will_ lead up to _that_ moment. "But… Is anyone sane at all?" She mutters.

"Hell knows." Annie grumbles, and watches the raven remaining down there, laying there looking so awfully defeated, waiting for the rain to just flood the deck and either wash her away or drown her. It is an ugly sight. Still, she pities.

She squats down, low enough for her to hear her, takes a deep breath and speaks, "…Listen, Mikasa…All I'm asking for is you to _rise_ , I'm not…" Annie isn't one to give pep talks or motivational talks, but seeing her look so pathetic, hearing her say such reckless and suicidal things is enough to drive her to attempt to say something similar to that. She pauses halfway, and decides to be more direct and blunter like how normally she is, "…I have never… _would never_ imply that you dying is the solution to… _this_." It takes her a great amount of effort to ensure her voice does not tremble. Seeing someone that in some aspects is similar to her, that has lived—is still living a tragic life, looking so… helpless, is like a catalyst for another meltdown.

She does not want to breakdown again. Hell knows why she is trying to cheer her up when she herself isn't the most optimistic person out there. Sasha would've done a better job. She always has this quizzical way to lighten up the atmosphere.

But alas, she is dead.

 _Rise?_ Mikasa finds herself again confused at all these metaphorical terms Annie is using. Albeit, she doesn't need to request for a further explanation as Annie continues.

"I'm just… You're strong, Mikasa." Annie starts, and while it is slightly incongruous, Mikasa starts to recall the day they first sparred, and how beforehand Annie outrightly called her a beast. "You have a strong fortitude as well… I don't understand… it's stupid and idiotic for you to request something like that from me. And most of all, it is cruel and unfair." Undeniably, she is referring to Mikasa's request of slaughter should push come to shove. The mere thought of it ironically unsettles Annie more than the Ackerman.

"…You have to rise, Mikasa. By yourself." She starts to stand again, and does not bother to extend a hand out. "Because if…because when that time comes, nobody will be there to help you up. Nobody will be there to 'stop you'. By yourself, you have to rise." Her voice goes lower, and Mikasa notes to be grimmer. "Even if it means you have to rise against him, even if it means he will be the one that falls."

The juxtaposition from the past and now is ironically funny; such dark humour. The woman Mikasa told years ago to fall and die, is telling her to rise and live.

_Rise, huh?_

Mikasa slowly starts to sit up, brushing her soaking fringe aside and it takes her a while to come up with an appropriate response that won't set Annie off. She understands, even internalises what Annie had just said to her but… in the scenario… in the worst-case scenario, she would…

"…But, if…" Mikasa halts in her speech when she notices Annie who now appears to be distant, while her eyes are looking somewhere near her, it feels as though she is looking islands away, or perhaps years ago.

Annie doesn't want to fight her, much less kill her.

Annie's mind has drifted off to the past; she thinks about the little, trivial moments she has had with Mikasa. Their encounters, most of which were short-lasting, albeit there were admittedly a few long-lasting ones, remained imprinted in her memory.

She recalls the time Mikasa had found her ring. The ring that was more of a contraption, with a secret and hidden blade built in, ready to slice the surface of her skin so she could transform into a titan. The ring that was more of a weapon; to be weaponized in the worst-case scenario.

" _I'll pray… that situation never comes."_ were the last things Mikasa said before she exited that room that day, after returning Annie's ring which had warranted her suspicion, that she was surprisingly generous enough to let it slide. Even if doubt, suspicion and every single nerve in her was yelling at her to press on. She still chose to let it slide.

Even in the beginning, she was in denial of Annie being the female titan. It wasn't until the execution of that plan where Annie refused to go underground, did Mikasa realise that she no longer had time to waste living in that denial. She no longer had the time or heart to spare. All the evidence pointed at her and any remaining sentiments she had were all replaced with a blazing indignation before she challenged her.

"… _Yeah. I'm hoping… for the same thing, too."_ were the last things Annie said to her when Mikasa left. She recalls reaching out helplessly to the sky. So helplessly.

Annie remembers all this.

" _I really do…"_ She whispers at the end, and before she knows it, Mikasa is now standing on the tip of her nose telling her to fall.

She wonders— _She doltishly wonders and actually ventures into this idea_ —if they could have been closer; friends or more in another world where fate wasn't so cruel. Where titans don't or never existed in the first place. A world where they didn't have to fight one another.

A world where Mikasa wouldn't thrust her the responsibility of determining the future of her life; of her death.

A world where her father was still...

She bites her lip, and out of the blue, her mind flashes her a clear memory of that one night… where they—

Her thoughts are cut short when the thunder decides to rudely interrupt with a series of loud hollers that could match the sounds of war canons being blasted.

She notices Mikasa starting to rise; to stand, although like her, her mind seems to have drifted off elsewhere.

Mikasa decides not to bring _it_ up anymore. If it happens, it happens. And she will not hold any grudges against Annie if she has chosen to accept her request. It's silly to think someone can change the course of fate; but still, she does—they all do.

They are all trying to change the twisted fate Eren has set out for them.

A strange and foreign thought crosses her mind, trespasses the chaos that is erupting inside. A thought so similar to Annie's. She ponders if in another world, she wouldn't have to ask Annie for such a cruel and unfair favour. If in another world, they wouldn't have ever hated each other, never fought one another. If in another world, she could live a happy life with Eren and Armin and the rest; where the only conflicts they'd ever have are trivial and easily fixable. Where they didn't have to be caught in a war.

Oh, it hurts.

She thinks about a better world where a younger version of her wouldn't be confined behind walls, a world where she is able to be free, dancing in meadows, smelling what spring brings forth to her home while watching nature bloom as she basks in the beautiful sunlight with her dearest, beloved childhood friends who were… _still_ close friends.

A world where she doesn't have to keep on chasing after _him_. A world where she can stand by his side without being pushed away or abandoned.

Abandoned. She feels so abandoned.

Awkwardness starts to take over, and Annie shifts uncomfortably in her place. She has said what she needed to say, and considers walking away so she could give her a bigger space to breathe and think. She has her back partially turned and searches for a proper way to convey her goodbye to the raven; that was, until she hears the other woman speak, "…You know that was the first time I ever saw you cry."

The abrupt and absurdity of the topic that Mikasa chooses to speak of catches Annie off guard, and frankly, she feels a little irritation slithering its way up. No one likes having their mental breakdown to be brought up again, especially given the stressful circumstances they were in. If it weren't for the solemnness that intertwines with Mikasa's remark, Annie would've thought she wanted to ridicule her and shoot her with derision and if that had been the case, she would've withdrawn any form of sympathy she even felt for her in a heartbeat.

She frowns, turns back to face her completely, "What are you—" The remains of that sentence dissipate into nothing, and through the heavy rainfall, her eyes widen as she notices droplets of water making its way down Mikasa's cheek. If it weren't for Mikasa's body that only now—despite the harsh cold—was practically quivering and trembling in front of her, she would have mistaken those tears as raindrops.

Mikasa was crying. She broke. Why she is crying only now, Annie doesn't know. Mikasa herself, doesn't know too.

Was it because everything they said? Was it because everything is so dreadfully overwhelming? Too overwhelming? Because of the bitter future that awaited her? Because she realised that that dream of hers, could never become a reality? Because happiness, pure happiness, seemed so out of reach; impossible to grab? Because she could no longer see a single trace of beauty anymore in this godforsaken cruel world?

She didn't want to appear this vulnerable, this fragile in front of this woman. She hates it, yet her guard decides to collapse anyway. _She wonders why._

It was the first time Annie has seen Mikasa cry, too. Her expression mirrors the same 'caught-off guard' look Mikasa wore when she saw her melting down for the first time, when she saw this vulnerable, beaten-up Annie Leonhart for the first time since forever. The only difference now is that Annie finds her expression soon softening.

Was it pity? Or something more?

There is a force tugging at Annie, a bullet train of words stuck in the middle of her throat just trying to force its way out. She feels the need to say something to her. What is stopping her is this invisible line that she isn't sure she is allowed to cross. Sure, just a few moments this same crazed Ackerman recklessly placed her life into the hands of the likes of her, but still, this is different.

She watches as the corners of Mikasa's eyes—no longer looking so void, instead it is filled with sadness and despair— slowly turn red; how she looks like she is suffocating as she tries to suppress all her wails that could possibly rival the thunder's volume.

Before she knows it, her arm is raised, reaching out towards Mikasa. She takes a step, then another closer to her. Mikasa doesn't move back, she doesn't object. The ship doesn't rock this time, it doesn't interrupt Annie in her frail attempt of comforting. Even the devils of the sky hold back its dramatic entrance, the savage gusts of wind cease momentarily, graciously offering them a fleeting moment of peacefulness. Her eyes soften in utter sympathy, her lips part. "Mika—"

"Mikasa! Are you here?!" _He_ , instead, takes the place of all the violent elements of the weather, and intrudes. She recognizes the voice in an instant. It is the same voice that has kept her company when she was still hiding, trapped in that crystal. It is Armin Arlert.

Annie knows how much Armin means to Mikasa, too. And she quickly decides right then and there, he is better suited to handle this situation. He has a strategic, heart-warming and thoughtful way with his words when he is calm and not distressed, and he, right now, is Mikasa's closest companion. At least, that's what Annie thinks. Either way, he is better suited as to be a shoulder that Mikasa can cry on.

She decides to take her leave before the rain can violate her any more. She turns, completely this time. She doesn't plan to look back. She wants to make a silent escape before Armin reaches and possibly accuses her to be the culprit behind Mikasa's tears. "I'll see you… later." Was the last thing Annie says to her as she begins to walk off.

Mikasa watches her leave, still letting herself be pierced by the bullets of rain. The next time she sees Annie would be on the battlefield, she was sure of that. The only thing left unsure is Annie's answer to Mikasa's deathly request which she has purposefully left on an ambiguous note. Mikasa isn't that worried about it, anyway. Whatever happens, happens.

"…You too." She whispers, and isn't sure if she had caught it; but it doesn't matter now, anyway.

The devils of the sky that decide to re-enter the scene when Annie leaves; the barbarous rumbling and now, violet coloured ribbons that start to terrorize and rip apart the sky ever so mercilessly once more. As the monster residing in the sea reawakens, the ship starts to rock and then tilt when its ally, the harsh wind, rushes by. Any semblance of peace has been devoured.

_It doesn't matter now, anyway._

The only thing that matters now is that they have to move forward.

They _have_ to.

**Author's Note:**

> FUNNY STORY AHEAD. So, I first started writing this wayyy before the release of chapter 130; therefore I wrote the original one before realising how tired and distraught Annie /truly/ is. So when chapter 130 came, I reread the original one which was still a major WIP and was like "lmao, shit, no way I can publish this now" since there were a lot of parts that contrasted with the current Annie. I decided to tweak it by A LOT and this happened; so I'm sorry if it's bad ;-;. I just wanted to write some Mikasa and Annie moment with some Mikannie undertones left somewhat ambiguous and up to reader's interpretation lmao haha. So I apologise if some things like the dialogue and stuff seem out of place ;-; I just really wanted to finish this haha.
> 
> I did want to go full on Mikannie for this but at the same time I wanted to remain as closely as to how canon is so ye ;-; I hope Mikasa and Annie don't seem to out of character in this one.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this either way. Please Leave A Review! Constructive criticism is welcomed.
> 
> PS: if you wanna chat, hmu on my main tumblr blog [(Rosaline-kei)](https://rosaline-kei.tumblr.com/) or you can check out my other tumblr blog where I make fake tweets and texts of snk characters lmaoo [(snkwritings)](https://snkwritings.tumblr.com/)


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